Alternate Meanings of Words

Coffee (n.) - a person who is coughed upon.

Flabbergasted (adj.) - appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Abdicate (v.) - to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Esplanade (v.) - to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly (adj.) - impotent.

Negligent (adj.) - describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

Lymph (v.) - to walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle (n.) - an olive-flavored mouthwash

Flatulence (n.) - the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash (n.) - a rapidly receding hairline.

Testicle (n.) - a humorous question on an exam.

Rectitude (n.) - the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

Oyster (n.) - a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

Pokémon (n.) - A Jamaican proctologist.

Frisbeetarianism (n.) - the belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

Circumvent (n.) - the opening in the front of boxer shorts.