Alternate Meanings of Words

Coffee (n.) – a person who is coughed upon.

Flabbergasted (adj.) – appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Abdicate (v.) – to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Esplanade (v.) – to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly (adj.) – impotent.

Negligent (adj.) – describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

Lymph (v.) – to walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle (n.) – an olive-flavored mouthwash

Flatulence (n.) – the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash (n.) – a rapidly receding hairline.

Testicle (n.) – a humorous question on an exam.

Rectitude (n.) – the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

Oyster (n.) – a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

Pok̩mon (n.) РA Jamaican proctologist.

Frisbeetarianism (n.) – the belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

Circumvent (n.) – the opening in the front of boxer shorts.