An old farmer decides to go to town and see a movie. He is about to pay for his ticket when the ticket agent asks, “Sir, what’s that on your shoulder?”  “This is my pet rooster, Chuck. Wherever I go, Chuck goes” answers the old farmer.  “I’m sorry, sir, but we can’t allow animals in the theater.”

Disappointed, the old farmer goes around the corner and stuffs Chuck down his overalls. He then returns to the booth, buys a ticket and enters the theater. He sits down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.

The movie is about to start when the rooster begins to squirm. The old farmer unbuttons his fly so Chuck can stick his head out and watch the movie.

“Marge” whispers Mildred, “I think the guy next to me is a pervert.”  “What makes you think so?” asks a shocked Marge.  “He undid his pants and he has his thing out.”  “Well, don’t worry about it” assures Marge, “at our age we’ve seen ‘em all.”  “I thought so, too” fires back Mildred, “but this one’s eating my popcorn!”

There were two evil brothers. They were rich and used their money to keep their ways from the public eye. They even attended the same church and looked to be perfect Christians. After some time, their pastor retired and a new one was hired. Not only could this new pastor see right through the brothers’ deception, he also spoke well and true, and the church started to swell in numbers.

A fund-raising campaign was even started to build a new assembly. Time came when one of the brothers died. The remaining brother sought out the new pastor the day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount needed to finish paying for the new building. “I have only one condition” he said. “At his funeral, you must say my brother was a saint.” The pastor gave his word and deposited the check. The next day at the funeral, the pastor carried out the rites. “He was an evil man” he said. “He cheated on his wife and abused his family. But, compared to his brother, he was a saint.”