The front row at a Cliff Richard concert.

A man went to a blacksmith’s for a job. The blacksmith said to the man “Have you ever shoed a horse?”

The man replies “No, but I’ve told a donkey to piss off.”

Q: Why are Chavs like slinkies?
A: They have no real use but it’s great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs.

Q: Two Chavs in a car without any loud music. Who’s driving?
A: The police.

Q: What do you call a chav with 9 GCSE’s?
A: A liar.

Q: What do you say to a chav in a suit?
A: “Will the defendant please stand.”

Q: What do u call a knife in Chav-ville?
A: Exhibit A

Q: Why is 3 chavs going over a cliff in a Nova a shame?
A: A Nova seats 4 or 5.

Q: What do you call a 30 year old chavette?
A: A Granny.

Q: What do you call 100 chavs at the bottom of a river?
A: A start.

Q: Why did the chav take a shower?
A: He didn’t mean to, he just forgot to close the Nova’s window in the carwash.

Q: Why did the Chav cross the road?
A: To start a fight with a random stranger for no reason whatsoever.

Q: What do you call a Chav at college?
A: The cleaner.

Q: Two chavs jump off beachy head, who wins?
A: Society.

You get it forced down your throat by a priest.

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said “Are you going to help?” I said “No, Six should be enough.”

My Dad used to say “always fight fire with fire”, which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.

I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said “Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me”, and it worked! From then on it was sticks and stones all the way.

I was doing some decorating, so I got out my stepladder. I don’t get on with my real ladder.

I’ve often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can’t get my wife to go swimming.